Wednesday, December 22, 2010

When I Threw My Shoe

Shit is just flying all over the place because it’s the week before winter break. Vacation is just around the corner. When I was in high school, this particular week involved taking lots and lots of finals, so I was either cramming for exams or playing Goldeneye. Or both. Those were the good old days.

To be completely fair, our trimester system doesn’t coincide with winter break; we’re nearly a third of the way through our second trimester. This means our first trimester finals already passed and our second trimester finals won’t happen until end of March. So basically, there’s nothing important happening this week.
Shhh, you weren't supposed to know that kids.
So as you probably guessed, attendance has been horrific (less than 55% some days). Some of the students who are actually still coming are acting out of control: there’s a ridiculous amount of chatter, foul language, inappropriate conduct, etc. Some seem to be showing up to first period [on a sugar?] high or quite simply, drunk. Or both.
As a side note, what’s the big deal with coming to a transfer high school stoned or drunk? To me, that says one of two things: 
  1. My life sucks and I need to escape from reality.
  2. I’m an attention whore. Look at me: I’m stupid. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!
Back to the story: Yeshiva, a student who in my opinion usually shows up to school drunk or stoned, was roaming the hallways yesterday during 5th period. She’s not a student of mine, but she used to be. Honestly, when she looks at me sometimes with her deadpan face and head tilted sideways, it gives me the creeps. Imagine if “The Situation” from The Jersey Shore was undressing you with his eyes. That kind of creeps. Obviously this comparison is pointless if you actually think “The Situation” is a good-looking dude. In that case, please stop reading this blog.

So as I’m trying to teach literal equations to students who were already aching to get out, I see Yeshiva strolling outside the hallway. She stops outside my door and starts making eye contact with some of my students through the window in my door. At first, I ignore it: she’s trying to chat up the students who are usually distracted anyway. Whatever, they’ll learn their lesson when they bomb their quiz at the end of class. You’re 18 now, make some grown up decisions, right?

A minute later, she actually starts trying to talk through the window.

Well, this is getting annoying, I thought. I ignored Yeshiva and made eye contact with the horny bastards in the back of the class. I whipped out the teacher look. Come on guys, focus. That is, unless you want to be back in this class next year. Don’t be tools.

Yeshiva refuses to move along. I'm thinking: isn’t there someone in the fucking hallway to get her out of here? Obviously not, why would there be? It’s not like this is a high school for kids who had trouble staying in classes. I take my first action here: I motion her to shoo away – like a fly. I then mouth, “go away” to her. Nothing. Just a deadpan stare accompanied with a creepy smile.

At this point, I’m getting irritated. It’s been a long day and shit was not going to get any easier. I had a meeting with the principal next period for which I was not nearly prepared. So I did what any sane person would do at this point. I was standing in front (like this) of my SMARTBoard about fifteen feet from the door. I took off my shoe, took aim and fired.
I threw my shoe against the window in the door.

I wish I had gotten her reaction on tape. Yeshiva was stunned. The class was shocked. After five seconds, she made some strange angry sound, pounded her fist against the door and stomped off. The class went insane.
"Yoooo, Mista violated her!!!" 
"He just ODed! Shit was whack!"
It took about twenty more seconds to get the class back on track. We were back to solving literal equations. The best part: as I made my way to the principal’s office next period, a group of students were gathered in front of the exit. I heard this:
"Girl, you shoulda seen it! I ain't eva gonna bother [my name]'s class. N***** is crazy. Good teacher, but fucking crazy."
I suppose.


Ahsan said...


Anonymous said...

That's probably the funniest thing you've written yet!

Anonymous said...

she deserved it some of the kids at our skool b annoyin

Anonymous said...

Yo Mista, that was GANGSTA!!! I am thinking about trying that next time!

Yo Mista said...

@ Ahsan:
You should've been there.

@ Anonymous 1:
Thank you!

@ Anonymous 2:
Very true.

@ Anonymous 3:
If you try it next time, then please make sure you do it in the hallway so that I can watch from afar and simultaneously avoid getting in trouble for not stopping you.

Anonymous said...

hellyeah bro taking care of things the pakistani way. getting pissed so you bust out the chapal lol nice xD

Shahab Riazi said...

Good on you, mate!

Yo Mista said...

@ Anonymous:
There's no better tool than the chapal.

@ Shahab:
lol thanks dude.