Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Taking a Stand

My mother stopped talking to me after I told her I was in love and wanted to get married.

It's easy to assume I was a dumb kid acting on my emotions, but we dated for years before I told my mom. I had to know that what we had was the real deal before growing a pair and telling her I was dead serious. Why were my panties in a bundle over this? Well, here are some reasons...
  1. My significant other does not come from a family that practices the same sect of Islam as my mother does. This matters because my mother has grown extremely conservative since moving to the United States. I suppose it might have a little to do with her friends and her missing home in Pakistan.
  2. She blames marrying an alcoholic (Hi Dad!) on the premise of, "I was young and in love, so I didn't know any better." As a result, "You won't get married to anyone unless I approve" was something I heard on a daily basis.
  3. All sons have close relationships with their mothers, especially the oldest son. She has dreaded a "young girl" taking me away from her since I was born. This explains why I wasn't allowed to be friends with members of the opposite sex during high school. Kind of rough, I know, but there were many ways around that.
  4. Her many years of using me as an emotional crutch to gain some strength of her own in a troubled marriage and foreign country led to her having unrealistic expectations of me as a son and as a human being in general. 
Back to the point: I haven't talked to my mom in almost a year and a half. Yet, I've been paying for her phone bill this entire time. That's fucked up - she never calls me nor has she made any attempt to reconcile her differences with me. When we first started fighting, I tried my best to fix everything, I really did. Eventually I gave up, there was no point in arguing against a wall. I thought maybe she would see the error in her ways on her own. Is refusing to speak to your oldest son worth proving a point? And if so, what exactly is the point to prove anyway?

I called T-Mobile yesterday and told them to drop my mom's line from my plan. Then I called my dad and told him he can pay for her line if he wants, but that I wasn't going to pay for a phone that isn't used to call me. I was done pussyfooting around the issue - I told him it was about time I did something about it because God knows he doesn't do shit (Why argue with my mom when she conveniently provides him with three meals a day and a clean house?).

About time I grew a pair, right? I thought I was going to feel a lot better. And I did in the immediate short-term, but I still feel like nothing has changed... It really hasn't.

5 comments:

Alpha Za said...

Great personal post man.

Don't worry, when you have a kid she'll come around. i call it the Grand Mother Syndrome.

Why the F were you paying for her phone bill in the first place?

On the bright side, at least your mother didn't set you up with 'appropriate girls' that would make you want to gouge your own eyes out of put up a profile of you on Shaadi.com (Note: Moms know how to use the BookFace now)

Considering she married an alcoholic, you'd think that she'd realize that her own judgment isn't exactly spot on.


I've come up with a few other things you can do to annoy your mother

1. Start calling her 'Lady who gave birth to me' or Birth Lady. If anyone asks, just let them know you got a new Mom.

2. Leave her a voice mail telling her how she was right and you beg for her forgiveness, and then end the message with...'I lied, I'm happier than you've ever been, enjoy the retirement home that I'll never pay for or visit you in'.

3. Send your parents cards, and address it only to your Dad. Refer to him as the shining inspiration of your life.

4. Use her number to subscribe to alot of telemarketing lists as well as adult hotlines.

5. Leave her a message to watch Kubhi Khushi Kubhi Ghum and tell her how that's not going to happen.

6. Send her notes about how wonderful Judaism has been to you and how you invite her to the true faith, the faith of the Jews.

7. Send her the bill for the last 1.5 year of cell phone bills.

PS: She's insane; Your Wife is (probably still) awesome.

Naqiya said...

hahaha! thanks for that AZ! i think he should do all of the above

ps: we are going to be in khi from june 20th - jul 5th. lets make sure to meet up

Yo Mista said...

@ Alpha:

That's hilarious bro. Seriously, I was laughing my ass off reading this during my free period.

I particularly enjoyed #6...What would be worse: Telling her I'm converting to Judaism or telling her I'm getting a divorce because I'm gay? Sadness.

P.S. I agree with Naqiya (and yes, she's awesome) - let's meet up when I'm there.

Alpha Za said...

The knowledge that you are getting divorced because you are gay might make her happy and give her the ammo to tell everyone that your evil wife made you gay and how Mommy knows beta best.

She also might start finding 'appropriate' muslim boys for you.

In fact, if she's tech savvy enough, she may list you on this site.

http://www.requestadate.com/gay_dating_category/muslim.html

I think you'd be in a lot of trouble if you didn't think she was awesome. So keep agreeing with her.

Yeah, we should definitely chill when you guys are in town.

Anonymous said...

I hope and pray that your mother realizes what she's missing out on and rekindles her relationship with you.

Speaking as a mother, I hope my own son turns out as well as you have...